Day 17: Old Flame
We are in your bedroom. It’s a bedsitter- those apartments that only make space for 1 bedroom, 1 kitchen & 1 toilet, no living room. I’m sat on the bed and you, on the floor. We are keeping a safe distance. Why? Because we are no longer lovers and want it to stay so. You are telling me about your upcoming nuptials and I listen with rapt attention, as I usually do.
I can see you don’t really love her but you’ve decided she’ll make a good wife. I don’t share my thoughts, I just listen. You’ve bought a ring. She didn’t choose, neither did she have an input on the ring choice. You’ve just bought it because you think it’s cool. You used to do this with us too- buy things not because you think I’d like it but because you liked it. You were selfish like that. I didn’t ask you what she thought about the ring. You say you have given it to her and she liked it.
Your wedding is in one month, yet here you are, on my couch, in my living room. You’ve just closed from work yet you stopped by to see me because I was ill. You bought fruits and stopped to keep me company. I appreciated it. I can see that you still want me but I’ve already moved past us. I moved past us even before we ended. But to you, I’m the one who got away.
You are telling me about wedding preparations and again, I listen. You’ve paid for the hall and your outfits are tailored. You ask me if I’ll come and I say no. Of course not. Who goes for their ex’s wedding anyway. You don’t take me serious because you think I’m joking. You’ve done it again- you think you know people so well that you can call their bluff. But what you don’t realize is that people change, people evolve. You knew me when I was a young adult, unsure of myself and the life in front of me. Now, now I’m a grown woman. Confident in herself and a completely different version of the person you once knew. But you don’t see this though. You assume you know it all, so I let you continue to delude yourself. Correcting you requires too much effort anyway.
The wedding is in two days yet here you are on a call with me. I don’t remember what we are talking about but it’s gist and it’s funny and I have nothing better to do, so here I am. Some part of me recognizes that the time I give you might be why you might think I still care. I don’t but there’s nothing else to do, so I’m here. Mentally I broke up with you one year into our relationship. 1 year later, I did it in real life. But you don’t know this because all you see is yourself. Even till now, you’ve refused to see how much of a dead beat you were as a partner. I think that’s why you are still here carrying on like your charm would reel me back in. But it’s two days to your wedding so why even are you here? The answer means nothing to me so I halt my thoughts. You are asking me again if I’m coming for your wedding and again. I tell you no. This time, you take me seriously.
Your wedding was yesterday. I deleted your number because there’s now a line in the sand. Boundaries. I have to effect them because you clearly won’t. You are married now so it’s no longer harmless gist.
We bump into each other at a wedding and you pretended like you don’t know me. I chuckle, unsurprised. You’ve always been a petty little man. I chuckle and I unlook because it makes no difference to me after all.
I can’t remember how long it’s been since your wedding. For me, out of sight is out of mind hence I no longer keep track. I’m at the mall and I randomly see you. And this time you don’t pretend. Maybe because your wife isn’t standing beside you. You say hello. I roll my eyes and think to myself ‘’he’ll never change’’. I reply your greeting. We pause to exchange pleasantries. And then you tell me how upset you were that I didn’t come for the wedding. You said even though you know I had mentioned it, you called my bluff. I chuckle because I knew. I heard about your shock and displeasure from an acquittance. Nothing you do shocks me any longer, least of all your delusion. I don’t allow you rope me into a conversation though. You are no longer my problem and I don’t have to entertain you anymore. I keep it civil and I move on.
