Day 19: False Prophet
Honour your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise).
Papa, you have always been quick to quote this scripture to me as a form of rebuke. If I called you out, respectfully, you took offense. If I declined to do something you wanted me to do, you took offence. If I so much as swayed from the path you mentally laid out for me, for any of your children, you took offence. Ephesians 5:2 was your constant rod of correction.
But you always neglected to read further Papa. Because by verse 4, same chapter reprimanded fathers from offending their children.
It says, ..fathers, provoke not your children to anger..
Papa why does your reading not extend to this point, ehn. It’s ironic that the first verse about honour spoke to both parents while this one addressed fathers alone.
I wonder whether Paul knew back then that fathers would mostly be the sole offender when it came to their children. What inspired him to write that verse? What were the cultural nuances that inspired that scripture.
I wonder, but it matters not. At least not to you. You don’t care. Even when I point out this verse, you double down on you need to be honoured. You say to me ‘a prophet is not honoured in his home after all’. But Papa are you even aware that you are a false prophet? Do you know that prophets do not carry on in this manner. That a prophet’s heart is pliant to the influence of the spirit, a prophet has a heart of flesh, not of stone. Not a hardened one that constantly rejects the leadings of the spirit. No papa, you are no prophet.
And even if you fancy yourself one, then a false prophet is what you are. Yes. Papa, you have continued to wield your position as a parent over me as a rod of correction. No love, no kindness just constant rebuke. Papa you held my self esteem in your hand and you broke it in two. When I attempted to sweep up the pieces, to glue them together, you snatched it from my hand. Constantly. You set fire to them and they burnt to ashes. So now I have had to rebuild again from scratch.
And it’s harder everytime because I have no point of reference. What you should have affirmed, you tore down now I know not what confidence should look like. Because you’ve taught me that speaking up for myself is rebellion. That it is disrespect. You’ve taught me to sit like a loyal dog and eat whatever you put in front of me. Speaking up is disrespect, rebellion. You’ve held the heavy rod of disapproval and disappointment over my head and beat me with it till I was broken. I am bruised, battered and broken, yet you still carry on.
So I have said enough is enough. Now when you quote Ephesians 6:2 to me, I remind you of verse 4. When you yell at me because I speak up for myself, I remind you that I am no longer a child. I am healing Papa. Healing from your abuse. Shedding the weight of trying to constantly please you. It is no longer my burden to carry, so I shed it. But I will be kind to you still. Because I see that you are a broken man who has refused to heal. So I will be kind. The manner of kindness you neglected to show to me is what I will show you. You do not deserve it but this is what healing looks like. Because if I decided to do unto you as you have done onto me, then I am just like you, and I refuse to become as broken as you are.
So I am rebuilding the house that is my self confidence. Brick by brick. Mortar by mortar. I have built the foundation. The walls are up. I am about to build the roof. Papa you didn’t teach me what self affirmation looked like so for a while I was lost. I wandered in the dark. I fell and I bruised. But I looked to the same book you’ve wielded as a weapon over me my whole life and I saw the truth. I saw light. I read the pages of that book and I see my maker affirm me. Remind me of my self worth. Of who I am to Him, in Christ. That is now the foundation on which I rebuild.
You still remind me of the African adage that says a ‘parent is a prophet over a child’s life’. And I partly agree. But since you have chosen to be a false prophet, to manipulate me and abuse me as false prophets do. I remind you that I have a high priest over my life, called after the order of a high priest who neither had father nor mother, nor died, who constantly intercedes on my behalf to my maker. I am comforted in this knowledege as I heal.
