Innocuous Actions, Big Impact.
I enjoy people watching. I like the concept of how just staring at someone, and in watching them for a short while, a story will unfold itself. I find it interesting how we reveal minute details about ourselves through subtle mannerisms- a momentary switching of eyes back and forth to reveal anxiety, a slight tremor in shoulders to reveal fear, a deep breath to signify relief, an almost imperceptible eye roll to convey silent exasperation. These are little things that could easily be missed if one was not looking closely. Stories, that if you hadn’t been intentionally observing a person’s mannerisms, would fall through the cracks.
Beyond the satiation that my curiosity gets in figuring out how a person thinks, one of the things people watching has taught me is that we are all actors playing a role in each other’s lives. It’s like life is this big film studio and while each of us are main characters in our individual lives, the rest of us play extras in some way. Right now, dear reader, you are playing an extra in my life and vice versa. Because you will read my stories and you might wonder about me. You might agree with some of the things I say and that will hopefully influence you in some positive way. In turn, if you are gracious enough or feel strongly about a matter I addressed, you’ll leave me a comment which will in turn affirm me; which even by just reading something I’ve written, is enough validation. It’s the ‘‘waka pass’’ extra that we are all in some way playing in each other’s lives.
Main character energy, nobody sees you, don’t live your live for anyone other than yourself, people aren’t paying attention to you.
Twitter is where I go to amass the bulk of my screen time and it’s where I’ve read these words the most. I consider that app to be a social experiment. On most days, I think we shouldn’t have this much frequent access to the mental inner workings of other people on a large scale. We shouldn’t be able to hear what atleast 500 people think at the same time. It’s counterintuitive. It’s not-so subtle influencing. The algorithm rewards you with more content that’s similar to what you’ve previously interacted with, which means, in no time, you’ve mentally and emotionally joined a cult. A cult might seem like a strong word but it is what I believe the type of indoctrination into belief systems that happens on social media entails. You interact with ‘thought leaders’ on a subject matter consistently and in no time, your algorithm has been curated to show you only topics around the content you have interacted with. This would have been fine if it was an active decision on your part to adopt a new thought process but it’s not, it happened passively. Now you have been unknowingly cornered into a mental cage. Next thing, you are repeating social media phrases in real life. Now you are triggered by realities that likely will never be yours. You’ve inherited a rage that had no correlation nor relationship with you just because your favorite internet aunty experienced it. There is empathy and there is this personalization of other people’s lived experiences I’ve seen people carry from social media to their real lives.
Social media is the audition grounds for admittance into the set that is our personal lives. We are the directors of our lives yet with one follow, one like, one repost, one share on our stories, we give strangers the pass they need to play extras in our lives, sometimes co-lead even. Some people even relinquish their seat of authority and hand it over to their favorite influencer to take the reins. Do you know see how intertwined our lives are, especially in this era of social media.
I am not saying we should live our lives constantly thinking about how every action of ours influences our neighbor. That’s too tedious. However, being aware of this interconnectedness is important.
When I first joined twitter, I thought I was tweeting into the void but now I know there’s an actual audience. Even if your follower count is in double digits only, that’s a small size of people reading your thoughts, informing themselves on a topic because of you. If you are a subject mater expert, that’s a significant portion of the populace believing what you say concerning topics in your niche. Unfortunately, these days people no longer Google things, social media has become their thesaurus of information. Tik Tok is where they go to find truths. Twitter is where they go to find news. Instagram is the virtual ‘keeping up with the joneses’ of our times. This means if you are not careful, it’s so easy to believe a lie, to be utterly engulfed in it and not know everything you believe is a farce.
This is how to relinquish control of your life and hand the reins over to an extra to become star lead while you watch as a supporting character in the play that is your life.
I saw this tweet the other day and it affirmed my stance on this topic. It’s incredibly fascinating to see how a 23 year old doing her work dilligently and passionately, was able to make such a lasting impact in the life of a 14 year old that 8 years later, he makes an appreciation post detailing how his encounter with her has impacted the trajectory of his life. I pondered on this conclusion for days. How that a minor interaction with a young impressionable individual could significantly influence them that it stays with them almost a decade later. It’s the ultimate clarion call to live life intentionally, to do good always, to be considerate of others, to be empathetic when we can, to see people when we interact with them. I think of the waiter who could be earning a meagre pay and because of your tip, are able to complete their rent savings. Or the service provider who has had a shity day but because of their interaction with you, can end the day on a less shitty note. Or the delivery guy who has been driving his bike all day under the scorching sun, and because you offered him a bottle of water to soothe his parched throat, his morale is slightly up.
I know that humans like to take advantage of other people and if you live in this part of the world and are a woman, you’ll have to be careful not to pass across a silent message that you’d rather not voice. This is not a call to go out of your way just to make a lasting impression on a stranger whom you might only interact with for a short period of time and never again cross paths with, neither is it a call to become people pleasers- that would be self betrayal and a form of abdicating responsibility to others. However, knowing how the human brain is wired and how our actions might conjure innocuous or detrimental results, consider this a call to be more intentional.
Be more intentional about the content you consume, when you part with the title of calling someone your fave or mentor, be intentional about how much influence they can assert over you; ensure they are the right individuals to mold your thought process and behaviors. Interrogate your interests. Deliberately curate your social media following- no, it’s not just ‘social media’, it’s now a tool of influence. Guard your heart. Exist in this world as a kind person, with no intent nor desire for reward. Be conscious of how your little exchanges with people contribute to their life’s plot.
Love & light.
Nigerian Glossary 🌚
waka pass: vernacular linguo which means an extra whose role is to just walk pass a scene in a movie.
