This Week’s Round Up
On Procrastination
‘I need to write today’.
I had been telling myself this for a little over a month now. Ever since I put down my pen at the end of my 30 days writing challenge, I haven’t picked it back up. I have been journaling but not actively writing.
‘you need to finish 25% of your course today’
This has been a recurring task on my to-do list almost every day for the past 3 weeks. It’s just a micro-certification I’m taking yet here I am struggling to finish. Procrastination has been in my corner for months now and it has refused to give an inch. It’s become a cycle- I put an activity on my list, I tick some off but not enough to indicate significant progress, and then carry over the rest into a new day- which already has it’s own tasks- and the cycle continues.
I figured maybe the problem is that I overwhelm myself with too many activities. Or maybe I do not find pleasure in these activities but that in itself is riduculous because realistically, how many tasks even spark pleasure as an adult. So I started to make shorter to-do lists in hopes that I’d get to the last item. Ladies & gentlemen, it brings me no great pleasure to say that I have been woefully unsuccessful at winning this fight with procrastination still.
What i am doing in the meantime however, is waking up each day and still committing to tackle that list regardless of whether I know I’ll finish it or not. This morning, I woke up and spontaneously started with something that I thought I would do in the evening. That’s how I’m approaching things now- by just doing. I have now also accepted that I get random bursts of energy around certain time of the day. I have noted my productive and unproductive times and I allocate activities accordingly. Mentally intensive tasks like writing & reading, happen better in the early mornings. By mid-day, I just want to coast and lounge so no capacity for mental work. Once it’s evening, my productivity levels are somewhat up again; not high enough for intense mental activity but physically active enough for chores & exercise. Figuring myself out and not constantly beating myself up for procrastinating- not quitting either just because I missed one day, or missed ticking one item off my list- is how i have been managing procrastination. And I dare say, it’s been working well for me. I also try not to pick up my phone till mid-day to avoid distractions during my peak hours.
On Money
Living in a country that’s been doing the tango with inflation has been the actual ghetto. ‘Trenches’ has never felt like a more appropriate term for the times we are in, than it does now. We are living in the depth of the trenches at the moment and as a result of the dire state of things, money has lost its value.
I first read ‘’Smart Money Woman’’ by Arese Ugwu in 2016. I was a freshly minted ex-corper and still unemployed yet I was interested in money. Money as a concept, not just having money. I wanted to know what money could do for me. I wanted to learn the art of growing and keeping money. It took me two years before I got my first job and the next couple of years was a learning experience with money. We were in a relationship, money and I. I courted her, earned her and then I mishandled her. I made a couple of mistakes that made us break up and it was such a rough breakup that I saw shege for a short while. Now, she and I are back together but I am still courting her, learning about her. I have learnt that to be irresponsible with money is to be irresponsible with your future.
Recently, I’ve been judiciously following the steps to financial stability gleaned from that book. I now document my daily expenses and calculate my month end expense. I initially started budgeting but I quickly learnt that the art of budgeting is a skill that must be learnt properly. Now, I categorize every expense under a specific bucket and allocate a budget to that bucket. I started this month so we’ll see if this works better for me. I hope it does because anymore penny pinching than this then I might as well be a rat scurrying around for my daily bread. I’m leaning into my soft babe era hence it is impertinent that I hack healthy financial management before I fully enter it.
On Adult Female Friendships
I consider myself to be a late bloomer in many ways and even more so in learning to make friends. Everyone in their late 20s will tell you that adult friendships are hard. Maintaining adult friendships is tough, making new ones is even harder. I unintentionally made a new friend recently and we’ve been keeping the friendship active through intentional efforts. Life gets so much in the way that it’s so easy to forget to check in with people; especially if you are like me who finds it so easy to be by herself.
But something happened today that made me actively start to contemplate the concept of friendship, especially as busy adult women. Someone I went to uni with got married recently and a friend of mine who I know to be close friends with the bride, kept posting photos from the wedding but she wasn’t in any. I was curious because I knew them to be in some sort of clique back in uni, especially post graduation, so I asked her about it. In fact, none of the bride’s friends from uni(that I knew of) were present at the event. My friend admitted that she didn’t go because she just didn’t have the chance to. Life was hectic, she had a young child, a demanding job and a business, something just had to give and it was her attendance. This was same story for the other people whom I noticed was absent. So i have now been contemplating this concept of being busy adults.
If you think about it, when are we not busy truly? Life is a rollercoaster, it’s always going to be a ride. So how do we ensure that we are showing up for our people. Personally, I believe that there’s expectations that comes with friendship. In the past, I have been understanding to a fault but it hasn’t served me. It’s not that I think anyone needs to break their backs if they cannot be present for genuinely reasons, but I think that friendships shouldn’t be just when it’s convenient. I am a generous person and I give off myself and my resources to my people and I have accepted that having the expectation to receive in equal measure might be setting myself up for failure but I have some modicum of expectations nonetheless. And I am learning to be okay with it.
It’s okay to have standards for your friends. If they don’t meet it, that’s okay. A friend of mine once told me to grade my relationships in levels. Some people only have a certain level of capacity in friendships and there’s nothing wrong with that if you accept it and walk accordingly.
On Romantic Relationships
I have been single for soooo long! I think I might have forgotten how to act in a committed relationship just because of how long ago I’ve been in one. Interestingly, this hiatus wasn’t even intentional- I just found myself here. I don’t believe in casually dating people. I’m a deep feeler and I am sensitive hence when I fall, I fall deeply. I’m also loyal hence casual, undefined relationships could never work for me, I have no desire to indulge even.
But I’m putting myself out there again. Opening myself up, talking to men, going on dates. I think the best time to date is when you have found yourself and I have spent these past years finding myself, meeting parts of myself that I didn’t even know existed previously. I have met several versions of myself. I’ve met the ‘bad’ parts and I’ve broken up with her. I met the ‘good’ and I held her hands and asked her to stay with me long term. I have been broken and I have healed. I have confronted past trauma and pain and I am better for it. I have found myself. I am unapologetic about the things that I care for. I truly feel like I have come into my own. So I am now approaching dating like a grown woman. So far, it’s been enjoyable. I am hoping to award somebody’s son with the boyfriend title soon though. The streets are not friendly, and I’d like to be out of here in a quick minute. But until then, I will absolutely enjoy figuring out what I like and don’t like as I go along.
On Faith
I have been in a place of consecration spiritually. It’s been such an incredible experience to have God, not for what He can give me, but to just stay. I find pleasure in worship now. I am learning to sit still and just be. It’s incredible- this experience I have been having with God. Truly, ‘seek and ye shall find’.
