What Does Healing Look Like?
I’ve asked myself this question over and over and over again within the past couple of days, and I had no answer, until I started writing this piece.
What does growth look like? This one sounds easy. Afterall, it’s one of those abstracts that’s almost visible to the naked eye. You can tell when you are growing and it looks different for everybody. Your lungs expand and you no longer have to cry at every rejection because you know that’s life. Or growth for you, might mean you no longer holding yourself accountable for other people’s action.
What does pain look like? This one you can see with eyes wide open. It presents in myriad of ways too. it might be you gnashing your teeth at the loss of a loved one or you wailing underneath your blanket because the love of your life just decided to become a stranger. In a physical sense, it might be you bending over in pain as you clutch your middle blindly trying to hold the pain you feel all over, in one place.
What does happiness look like. It might be evident in the the full bright smile you give, as if you were in a close up advert, on a good day. Or it might be perceived in the way you dish out warm bear hugs to your people.
What does love look like? Is it the way you insert endearment as a replacement to the names of the people you call your tribe? Perhaps it is in how you agree to share your bed or your meat, even though you would rather not. It might even be accurately deduced in the way you chest inconveniences because the people in your life need you in a way that might not be convenient for you, at a given time, yet you show up.
You see, it is (almost) easy to identify all of these intense emotions. You look at a person and you can attempt to deduce what they are feeling. You see Seyi and you just think to yourself “ahh, this man is in love”. Or you see Ivie and you can tell from her demeanor that she is in pain. Even people who carry their emotions really well, almost cannot fully mask the entirety of their expressions. If you are observant and around them often, you can tell. There are typically markers.
Yet, I don’t know what healing looks like. On an intimate level sometimes, one might not even be aware of the healing happening. I wonder, how does one know that a wound they cannot see is growing scabs. Would the wound begin to itch, or would puss stop coming out. Would the spot begin to feel less sensitive? It’s much harder to tell when one’s sores are closing up.
I used to have a lot of hurt. A lot of pain. A lot of hardness of heart. I sometimes have an idealistic view of the world. In a sense, I expect things to happen in a natural order, sometimes. I like structure and order and I expected people to carry on with a sense of self-decency. Unfortunately, life has taught me that humans are a deeply complicated, unpredictable specie. I haven’t changed much and so on some level I still expect these things from people, but unlike before, I stay ready. I stay ready for disappointments and shortcomings. The first time I’m hurt, I’m broken, it’s a shock to my system. Then my defenses kick in and I’m somewhat ready for the next one, not 100 percent but definitely not surprised either. This defense holds until I get to the end of my circle of detachment and then there’s no more hurt, only inconveniences and annoyance. Up until this point, I didn’t realize there was even a circle, apparently there is.
Now I wonder, is there a also circle of healing? How would I know when I am on the merry-go round loop that is healing? Is there some switch that comes on inside of one which wakes up one’s inner man to the fact that, yes, one is indeed healing? Maybe there is but it doesn’t manifest in the way I presumed it would.
I saw this tweet and it spurred me into this curious hole of wondering about healing.
Maybe healing means that your heart no longer beats an irregular rhythm when you see that person who hurt you. Healing might feel like empowerment, like you are in control of your life. Healing might be finally having the ability to forgive. To forgive yourself for the times you didn’t know better. To forgive your parents, for the things which you were not told. Healing might be the peace you feel when you are able to think back on a situation that used to give you worry.
Healing is a balm for the brokenhearted soul. Perhaps this is why it is something we might not be able to pick up on immediately it starts. It is an unconscious act. A dance between the soul and mind that happens when you consciously decide to get up. To get up from that situation that once held you captive. Healing is motion, the type you cannot see with your eyes but feel deep within.
Healing might manifest in different ways, but one thing is certain, the product is evident. One might not know when it starts but somewhere in the middle, you will realize it and you will smile and you will be better for it.
The first step though, is deciding to move. From the hurt, from the pain, from the betrayal, from the shame; get up and move. The decision all starts from you. Healing looks like freedom, in the most intuitive ways. I hope you give yourself permission to heal today. You are not your trauma, neither are you your pain. Get up and heal, I say this with utmost warmth and empathy. I promise, you’ll be better for it. I know I am.
Love and Light.
