You’ve grown… and you don’t even realize it yet

When I was 12, my brother and I went to a house on our street that had dogs. Long story short, we got there and the dogs almost bit me. Infact one of them scrapped my hands with their teeth and my brother & I had to run for our dear lives. Prior to then, I didn’t hold any opinion of dogs and my preference for them- whether or not I liked them, I had never pondered on- until that experience. I was understandably scared and I was team “I hate dogs”.

Now, this isn’t a story about dogs, but it’s an analogy I’m using to buttress the real tea so you gotta stay for the ride, okay. Now back to my dog story.

Fast forward to many years later, my family got a dog and I was mortified. First time I met Bolt (that’s my dogs name), he was just a puppy yet I would scream everytime it came near me.

Bolt is now 2 years old and I smile whenever he’s doing some weird animal thing or making puppy noises because he wants attention. I’m no longer afraid of stepping out of the house, into the compound, by myself because I can now handle him. Simply put, I’ve grown. It can be argued that I have gotten used to him, adjusted to having him around, but even that in itself can be termed as growth.

This is how growth happens a lot of the time- unexpectedly, over a period of time. It creeps up on you but the caveat is that you just gotta hang around. You can’t throw your towel in just because it’s hard or scary at first, unless of course you were never really committed to the task at first. Growth will stretch you, it will require you to step out of your bubble, out of your safe space sometimes. It will be uncomfortable. You will cry, you will kick but if you stay, you will adjust. You will find ways to handle situations that once made you wail. You will find that you easily manoeuver encounters that used to make you almost piss yourself.

I have grown in many ways. I used to be afraid of dogs and I still am afraid of other people’s dogs but mine no longer scares me. In my day job, I used to dislike giving team report during general meeting because I had a fear of public speaking, Now I do it with so much finesse that my manager even commented on it the other day. I have found that in holding the mantra “do it afraid” as an armor close to my chest, and literally continuously doing, I have continued to grow.

Sometimes it takes time before you see that you are growing, especially if you are not looking. Sometimes it’s small baby steps- one shaky foot in front of the other and you’ll find that you are at the end of the line and when you look back and see the distance you’ve covered even whilst afraid, it will encourage you to continue confidently. You’ll say to yourself ‘if I can do this much while inhibited by so much fear, how much more can I do if I did it confidently?’ and that is when your growth takes flight. That’s when you take off.

So if you are still taking baby steps, more power to you. You are on track. You are growing and it’s beautiful to experience. Pause, reflect, take stock and, you’ll see how much you’ve grown. Not just in the big things alone, but also in the little things. In your seemingly “little fears”, you’ve overcome them and grown regardless.

Today, my brother said to me “I’m surprised you are no longer scared of Bolt’’, and without even pausing, I told him now I’m just mostly annoyed when he tries to put his paws on me. See, I’ve grown so much that I can now articulate and isolate the reason why I don’t like animals- they always try to climb you. If I had never sat with my fear, confronted it (albeit subconsciously), if I didn’t have to be put in situations where it was either- wait till someone tends to Bolt before I could leave the house or confront my fear and step out- then I don’t know if I’d ever have gotten to this point anytime sooner.

So my loves, confront your fear. Do it afraid and while you are at it, take stock. Don’t discount nor discredit the baby steps that you’ve taken to get to where you are now. Acknowledge it. Applaud yourself and let that be the fuel you need for your growth to take wings and fly. In doing the little things “afraid”, you are also building staying power for the big things, and what’s growth if not that?

Love and light.